God-Adjacent Harm

One of my most life-altering experiences occurred in a spiritual setting. A man and his friends, a counselor and his bevy of male fans, attempted to herd me into extremely vulnerable positions for months. I’d wake up with one in my bed, see one following me because, at 36 years old, he was convinced he was in love with me—a 16-year-old.

They worked together to alter my view and created the inevitable fallout. They were proverbial pillars of the community.

As much as "pillars of the community" might be standing, one should watch their hands when listening to their words.

Wolves dress as shepherds, not sheep.

The lesson was plain as day. When I look up from my own winding path, I see the lesson remains unlearned. Spiritual communities have a sacred duty to reality-test their leaders. Weakness of character renders them unable to name what they see, choosing the protection of the belief system over the actual wellness of "the gathered”.

This weakness is seen everywhere in America right now. Every institution I could name is buckling under the weight of men’s secrets. The abuse, densely packed and thriving, creates an unsolvable weight. The structure collapses.

The pulpit becomes a black hole of harm through which no light of God could ever escape. This does not happen in a bang. It’s a trickle that becomes a tributary that becomes a raging force.

Everywhere you find this harm in America, you will find an institution led by men. Middle class. Middle-aged. Middle capacity. The evil of some men ignored by a dithering institution unwilling to make difficult decisions. The dithering is a hallmark of male-run shepherd institutions. They can’t make hard calls. They worry about reputations over spiritual harm. They want the title. They do not want the job.

They think of their own comfort, first and last, but dress it in "concern" for others and institutional stability. They seek, always, to bolster themselves. Consciously or unconsciously is irrelevant.

They create an unstated suicide pact. If the institution fails, they will fall with it. Due to the profane selfishness of a panicking man wearing polyester vestments, the issue goes unaddressed.

Women are expected to clean up the fallout, cover the men’s decisions, label it as God’s will, and co-subjugate the women around them. These women suffocate the women around them in the hopes of maintaining their access to an idealized life they have not earned, because it is not real.

That is not faith. That is fear. And it is a product of souls unfit to lead.

Women who choose to participate in this cover are equally culpable.

Nothing distinguishes them from the man committing the harm to me. Men could never do all this on their own. They lack the range women can bring to a conversation about God, and they lack the subtlety of language. We are needed to accommodate, package, and market the abuse.

There seems to be no shortage of women willing to do this. Their faith lays impotent yet weaponized by others—unharnessed and poorly understood, shallow and frail, and expertly wielded by the men they hold up. That does not get a pass. It is its own spiritual crime.

Looking away is a matter of character. If you believe in an all-powerful God, how are you so unable to watch His outcomes in all their different manifestations?

Take a peek under shepherds’ robes. If you find a wolf, understand the staff this "shepherd" wields will be weaponized women and institutional ‘policy.’

You should leave after you gather as many women and children as you can.

You will also find overwhelmingly more men than you may think that are genuinely hungry to follow another path.

Gather them eagerly, with deep love and respect.

Don’t return.

You are the shepherd now.

The wolves will starve.